The Ring: The Fellowship Goes to a Night Club
by The Red Angel
Summary: Welcome to Middle Earth's Premier Night Club. A place where Humans, Hobbits, Elves, Dwarves, and Evil Beings can come to have a drink, get high, or have some fun. Ch. 3 up!
1. High hobbits & Legolas in sexy pants

Disclaimer: As we all know Tolkien owns Lord of the Rings. I wish I owned Legolas however.

A/N: Please note, this my not make sense as I am sniffing pixi stix (again). And this is my first LotR fic. So I might not spell the names of all the places correctly, if you notice something please be so kind as to point it out in a review. Oh yeah I'm another obsessive Legolas fan!

Chapter 1

Our story beings with Legolas, Aragorn, and Arwen.

Legolas, Aragorn and Arwen are all sitting around Arwen's apartment in Rivendell. "So whadda you wanna do?" Legolas asked Aragorn.

"I dunno. Whadda you wanna do Arwen?" Aragorn said.

"I dunno. Whadda you wanna do Legolas?" She said.

"Damn.... I dunno. I hear about this new night club called The Ring. Wanna check it out?" Legolas said.

"Sure," Aragorn and Arwen said.

Fast Forward to The Ring. Laser lights flash, smoke machines smoke, and a very confused Deejay plays music. Legolas, Aragorn and Arwen enter. Legolas has on tight jeans *sigh*, and a tight white tee shirt. Aragorn is wearing leather pants, a biker tee shirt. Arwen is dressed in a leather mini skirt, a tank top, and lots of jewelry.

"Yo yo, wassup my......hommies?" the deejay said. He picks up a book titled Things for DeeJays to Say. He flips through it, "Yeah, hommies." He puts on a song and flips off the mic, "What the hell is this?" he muttered.

Legolas looks around and spots Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin. "Hey!" he yells to Aragorn and Arwen over the music. "Frodo and the guys are over there!" He points to where the Hobbits are sitting.

"Let's go over!" Arwen said. The group walked over to the Hobbits. "Hey Guys!" Arwen said. "So you guys herd about the place too?"

"Yes!" Pippin said. "They sell ale by the gallon!"

"That's.....great...." Legolas said. Two girls walked by and were checking out Legolas' butt; this was noticed by Aragorn. "Hey Legolas...there's two chicks over there checking you're ass out man."

Legolas spun around and looked at the girls, they tuned out to be two very attractive she-elves. "I'll be right back," he said.

Aragorn shook his head and turned his attention back to the hobbits. "So....." he said.

"Hey lookie what I got," Frodo said pulling out something wrapped in paper. "Want one?" he asked as he passed the pot to Merry and Pippin. Aragorn took one and lit it he inhaled once, "What the hell is this?"

"Pot," Frodo said.

"Cool," Aragorn said letting Arwen take a hit. "Did anyone see where Legolas went?"

"Yeah he went to see those chicks," Arwen said.

They all looked to where the she-elves had been. There was only one of them now and Legolas was nowhere to be seen.


	2. Of Pyscho Elf Chicks and Table Dancing D...

A/N: So this is my revised chapter two. I decided I didn't like the other one. It made Legolas look slutty, and my muse didn't like that. And plus I never mentioned Gimli.

Legolas look around the tiny dark room. The she-elf he had been talking to came in and silently closed the door. "I know who you are," she said. "And I know who you are here with." Legolas stared at her blankly. "And all of Middle-Earth will find out that Prince Legolas likes to hang out at night clubs!" She began to laugh evilly. 

"Ummmm okay. I'm outta here," Legolas said bolting for the door. He slammed the door shut in the she-elf's face. He ran back to the table to find Aragorn and the hobbits all babbling insanely and Arwen looking extremely pissed. 

"And where have you been?" she asked him. 

"Some psycho elf chick just tried to blackmail me, I think." Arwen cocked an eyebrow in question. "I don't know she pushed me into a closet and said she knew who I was and that all of Middle earth would find out I like to hang out at night clubs. So anyways what's their problem?" He pointed to the hobbits and Aragorn. 

"Too much of Frodo's weed." 

As soon as she said that Aragorn stood up, "I am the king you will not tell me I had too much weed!" Arwen sighed and shook her head as Aragorn ranted something about being King. She finally grabbed his shirt and pulled him down, "Be quite Your Highness." 

Then something else caught the attention of Legolas and Arwen. A large group of dwarves surrounded a table and were chanting: "Go Gimli, go Gimli." Gimli was infact dancing on top of the table. Legolas and Arwen exchanged disturbed glances. 

Gimli jumped off the table and began to break dance in the middle of the floor. It was quite obvious he was annoying the other people there. A security guard came over and stopped him. Arwen rushed over. 

"I'm sorry sir," she said. "He's with me." The guard looked from Arwen to Gimli and shrugged, he the turned and left. "Gimli! What were you doing?" 

"Breakdancing." 

"I could see that. Why don't you go over and sit with Aragorn." Gimli did not move. "That was not a suggestion. I can have that guard come back over and throw you out." Gimli ran for the table. 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

As Arwen was saving Gimli the Psyco elf chick came back over to Legolas. "So have you thought about my offer?" 

Legolas dropped his joint and began to cough. "What *cough* off- *cough* offer?" 

"You know," she said. 

"No, *cough* I don't *cough**cough*." He choked out. 

"Sure ya do. The one I made in the closet." Legolas coughed again and stared blankly at her. Finally she gave up, "Whatever but the papers will here about this." 

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay," Legolas said when she left. He burst into another coughing fit as Gimli sat down at the table. 

Gimli gave him a strange look, and Legolas pointed to the joint. "Stupid pansy elf," Gimli muttered. He took the joint from Legolas and began to smoke it. 

"Hey that's *cough* mine!" Legolas said. 

"Well you obviously can't smoke it." Gimli said. 

"Can too!" 

"Cannot!" 

It went on like this for about a half an hour. The hobbits and Aragorn looked back and forth between them like they were watching a tennis match. 

When they finally stopped arguing Legolas asked: "Where'd Arwen go?" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A/N: Well that was actually kind of long. 


	3. The Return of the Dead and Pink Nazgul

A/N I hope y'all like my revised chapter two. But here's chapter three. Please review. 

Disclaimer: seems I for got this in the last chapter. -. - hehe oops. I don't own Lord of the Rings. But I am currently trying to own Legolas, *drool*, but that's beside the point. Now on to the story. And the conversation between Boromir and Faramir (about Boromir being dead) is not mine either, I got the idea from another humor fic I read. I can't remember which one, but just so y'all know it's not mine. 

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Chapter 3 - The Return of the Dead and Pink Nazgul 

"I dunno know. Who's Arwen?" Aragorn said. 

Legolas sighed. "She's your wife."

"I'm married?! Oh shit!" Aragorn promptly passed out on the table. 

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaay," said Legolas. Another round of drinks was brought to the table. The hobbits immediately gulped theirs down. Gimli downed his and then reached for Aragorn's. Legolas continued to scan the crowed for Arwen. 

Suddenly the music stopped the room quieted and everyone stared at the door. In walked Boromir and Faramir. Boromir noticed everyone staring at them "What?" he asked. "Take a picture it'll last longer!" Everyone in the club pulled out a camera and snapped several pictures. 

The brothers now blinded by the camera flashes managed to stumble over to the fellowship's table. Legolas stared at Boromir. "WHAT?" 

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay," Legolas said again. 

The music resumed and the people went back to what they were doing. "Hey Boromir I thought you were dead!" Pippin shouted. Boromir gave him the evil eye. "Okay so you're not dead then." 

"Yes he is!" Faramir said. "He's just in denial." 

"NO I'M NOT! You're just mad because dad likes me better than you." Faramir crossed his arms and pouted. Boromir stuck his tongue out at his brother. 

"Where is did Arwen go?!" Legolas asked again. 

"I AM THE KING!" Aragorn jumped up and shouted. 

"Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king," Boromir protested. 

"And whas's that s'posed to mean," slurred the drunken king. 

"Oh lord here we go again," Legolas said. He watched as Boromir tried to defend himself. Boromir ranting about how since he had died that Aragorn was running Gondor right into the ground. Aragorn yelling 'I AM THE KING!' many many times. 

"IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN MIDDLE EARTH JUST SHUT UP!" Pippin yelled. 

Everyone stared at him. Gandalf suddenly pops up out of no where. "FOOL OF A TOOK!" He hits Pippin on the head with his staff and vanishes in a cloud of smoke. Pippin rubbed the bump on his head.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And now a word from the psychotic authoress [and Pippin ; -)]:

Pippin: Owwww why'd you make him hit me?

Me: Ehhh sorry Pip. *Runs and hugs Pippin tightly to me*

Pippin: Can't…. *gasp*…. breathe. *gasp*

Me: Alright everyone. Back to the story now.

Pippin: *gasp* Help.

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While the Fellowship was arguing, smoking and/or drinking some strange looking characters walk in the door.

Nine robed evil beings walked in to the club. They bore a strong resemblance to the Nazgul, except their robes were……pink. Once again everyone in the club stopped and stared at the door.

"Scrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeechhhhhhhhhhh," Nazgul #1 said. (The screech translates to "WHAT?". From now on when the Nazgul talk I am gonna just put what they mean in parentheses after it)

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Everyone screamed.

"Scccccccccccccrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeechhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," came from Nazgul #3. (Stop yelling. Sauron died our robes pink for failing to kill the hobbit.)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Nazgul #1 shakes his head and motions for his companions to follow him. They go and sit at a table in the back.

*Back at the Fellowship*

"Well that was odd," Faramir said to Legolas, as they watched Aragorn and Boromir continue to fight.

"Odd things have been happening all night here," Legolas answered. "We found Gimli dancing on a table. Arwen had to go save him from getting arrested."

"The she-elf did not save me. I was doing fine on my own," Gimli said fiercely and then resumed smoking.

"Speaking of which…where did Arwen go?" Legolas mused.

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A/N: Thank you thank you. *bows* As always…R/R. Please come back in a week for the next installment of The Ring: "Where in the hell did Arwen go?"


	4. Where in the Hell Did Arwen Go?

A/N: So so so so so sorry for taking so so so so loooooooong. Thanks to all my lovely reviewers. I love you guys! hugs Clears throat I'm okay. I'm glad you guys like it so much. I'm startin to run out of ideas so if you guys have any please share them with me. Also in this chapter THECheeseTurkey will be making an appearance. She's in here because she was kind enough to put me in her story 'The Day School got TWISTED'. We'll now that I'm done rambling..ON TO THE STORY!

**Chapter 4 - Where in the hell did Arwen go?**

Aragorn and Boromir were past arguing and now sitting across the table from eachother giving death glares. Faramir had joined the hobbits in Frodo's weed. After many beers Gimli was ranting something about dwarven-women. Legolas was being all paranoid about the psycho elf chick. And Arwen...was still missing.

Suddenly Pippin jumps up and yells something about fuzzy bunny slippers. Merry and Sam burst out laughing at him. Frodo is sitting in the corner muttering something about his precious.

Legolas is beginning to worry about his companions, 'I think we should probably leave,' he thought. "I'm going to go find Arwen." He get's up and beings to walk away.

Aragorn suddenly drops his argument with Boromir and yells: "WON'T SOMEONE TELL ME WHO ARWEN IS?" Legolas just shakes his head and continues walking.

As Legolas is walking he hears someone yell "LEGOLAS!" he looks over and sees a girl running towards him. 'Oh no not again,' he thinks. Legolas steps out of the way and the girl runs though an open door. Legolas closes and locks the door. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I AM THE CHEESE TURKEY!" the girl yells.

Legolas walked toward the bar asking random people if they have seen Arwen. Unfortunately he gets no answers and is hit on by many of the people he asks. He decides to ignore the others and looks for Arwen on his own.

He pushes past people, his princely demeanor long gone and was now regretting that he had even suggested coming here. Sure it had been fun at first, watching Aragorn and the Hobbits get high, watching Aragorn and the Hobbits get drunk. Then it started to get disturbing, Gimli dancing on a table, Boromir who was dead showing up, and Pink Nazgul. To top it all off no one knew where Arwen was.

It was then that Legolas looked up and saw Arwen, Princess of Rivendell, Queen of Gondor dancing on the bar. "Oh Eru..." he muttered. "Arwen!" He called, pushing his way to the bar. "Get down."

Arwen ignored him continuing her half-drunken dance. Legolas, however, did not give up. He was just short of climbing up on to the bar to get her down himself as Arwen stumbled and fell off... on to Legolas. Legolas rolled his eyes and helped her back to the table where he heaped her into the booth with the rest of the Fellowship. Legolas sighed and pulled a chair up to the very full table.

Boromir and Aragorn had resumed their arguement while Legolas was gone. Someone had given the hobbits more ale and they were now saying drunken, meaningless random phrases.

A/N: REVIEW! And Stay Tuned for the Next Chapter: "THAT"S IT! WE ARE GOING HOME!"


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